Hi Dad. As I walk through the house today, I see so many things that generate memories. When you combine all the memories, it paints a picture of you and how much you loved this family and wanted to be important and relevent to us.
- I see the expensive telescope that you bought. I think the whole concept started when Mike took an Astronomy course in college. Mike taught me a lot of what he was learning and I ended up getting an astronomy book one day while we were at the mill book store in Fall River. I must have mentioned it to you and you looked at my new book with great interest. I think we chatted about Mike's teachings a bit too. I don't remember the specifics but I believe we started out with a cheap telescope at first and then you went out and bought an expensive one. We started out in the back yard for hours at a time. The trees blocked some of the sky but we still got good shots of the moon and some stars. I remember we had three different lenses and one of them you could clearly see the surface of the moon. Stars always looked like blurry lights. We never could find the nebulae on Orion's Belt. It was extra tough finding things because of how fast they were moving when you look up close at them. I remembered that no matter how hard you tried, you could never figure out how to set the axis adjustment knob to properly sync with the movement of the objects in the sky. I remember you getting frustrated. We used the telescope out of the third floor apartment window (it was vacant at the time). You toyed with the idea of getting up into the attic and even getting out on the roof. I think you were afraid of safety and possibly falling through the roof so we never ended up doing it. I think you even started to set up a ladder and some rigging up into the attic. Toward the end of our telescope phase, we were even taking trips up into Tiverton and Lil Compton to get clear shots at the sky and less light pollution. I remember going to The Ledgewood Commons (where Dr. Kelchner's office is). We also pulled over into a random parking lot off a main road in Tiverton and set up the telescope while cars drove by. We stood there in the darkness and the cold winter air and spent hours looking at all the wonders in the sky. I think this went on for close to a month. I wish I remembered the timeframe. I think I was in high school. But you would get out of work, we'd eat dinner, then it was back to business each night. We were a team and we had fun bonding. I look at that dusty old telescope that hasn't been used in more than 15 years and I think of all the future memories that will never be :(
- I ran across the game Rummi-Kube last month looking for your wedding ring. It was in the headboard storage on your side of the bed. I remember You, Mom, Cheryl and I playing this every night when you first brought it home from the store with Mom. It was all the rage and tons of fun. (Rummy with plastic tiles instead of cards). You used to be so good at it and almost always won. We even had a couple family games with the rest of the family. It made its appearance during special occassions. Most recently, I remember us bringing it out during Uncle Lenny and Chase's visit (when Chase was looking for schools up in our area). It sits there now, collecting dust- a relic long forgotten. There was no time for family fun these past few years.
- I remembered you bringing home a plastic package container which contained four "sliders." They looked like the object they use in that Curling sport except they had a bearing on the underside. I think you made a stop off at the store after taking Mom grocery shopping one Saturday morning. I remember you came all excited and you showed me the new toy all excitedly. We used them on your custom-made kitchen table after Mom put all the groceries away. They didn't roll so well so you used WD-40 to lube them up a little. The object of the game was to roll the sliders toward the edge of the table. The person who got their slider(s) closest to the edge without going off, got a point. You could hit each other's slider out of the way to fight for position too. You were really good at it, like everything else.
- I remember getting a catalog in the mail from Estes Model Rockets. I must have been in fifth-sixth grade or so. I showed you the catalog and there was no stopping us. I had ten rockets in no time. We never went by North Dartmouth without stopping at Ben Franklin's Crafts to get more engines or another rocket. Even at random, you and I would hop into the big tan van. I was sit there quietly, wondering if we were going to Ben Franklin Crafts. Then we'd turn onto a familar road and I knew where we were going and I got so excited. Every birthday and Christmas, I was getting more rockets. I had over twenty at one point. You were working on the first floor at the time so that all had to go on hold so we could anxiously build the rockets. You'd glue a few parts, do some work on the house and then assemble some more. I remember looking down at the floor and it was just 3/4" plywood at the time. Even some of the inner walls were exposed and the drop ceiling wasn't up yet. You took great care at building each rocket perfectly, your trademark with everything you touched. Then you applied great expertise with each paint job. I still remember the wonder and awe you left me in when you painted "The GreyHawk." It's paintjob in the photo was sky and clouds. You duplicated that look nearly perfectly. I remember you obsessing over this tiny imperfection- you were pissed. You could barely see it but you didn't accept anything but perfection. Your work was always to the best of your ability. The name Ray Bardan will forever mean quality and perfection. Your favorite rocket was the Helio-Copter (the one with the propeller blades built into the underside of the nose cone- I still have it). We went to Kennedy Park almost every Sunday morning, weather permitting, to shoot off some rockets. Kids from the neighborhood would gather around. Sometimes Mike and Dennis would pop in for a guest appearance. We always loved the Patriot rocket. Always reliable. We lost two Delta Clipper models because they soared to 1/2 mile into the sky. I showed you a video on YouTube a couple months ago of someone shooting off their Delta Clipper with a video camera installed on it. You laughed at how high it went and how long it took to get back down to the ground. We tracked the nose cone of your Helio Copter all the way across Kennedy Park into someone's back yard. So much fun over the years. So exciting and you were always right there every time.
- Then there was paintball. You mentioned paintball many years before we ever got into it. We started playing when I just got out of high school. You were right there hanging around and supporting us. Then Mike and I semi-retired and you expressed interest in playing so we started team Fathersons. You were so proud to be playing paintball. You told everyone you knew your stories from the field. Our stories from on the field were legendary to you. We had so much fun winning together. You sewed a barrel case for my barrels. You made a custom reload pod feeder out of a funnel and a laundry detergent bottle. One year for Christmas, you bought Mike and I a pair of $75/ea Dye Paintball Pants and Ricochet paintball loaders. You went out and bought a hand-held paintball radar chrony. You went and bought a fill station so you could use your old scuba tanks to fill our air tanks. You bought your first paintball gun, two barrels and tank off Brian Viveiros then you bought your trademark Classic 68 Automag off eBay. We went shopping almost immediately for a front grip/compression chamber and on/off Benchmark drop forward. It came with a tank so in the short amount of time you were into Paintball, you already had more equipment than me. You used an old hand-me-down pod pack until we won new ones during a tournament. You also bought a ricochet hopper for yourself. You would play in jeans and a jersey over your flannel shirt, another trademark of yours. When I suggested we make custom jerseys, we went to a bunch of department stores to find a shirt/jersey that would work for our team. We ended up finding these athletic long sleeve shirts but they were all fitted so they didn't really fit well. But they were perfect for our team. You ended up buying an airbrush gun. We spent hours one night in the basement coming up with a logo. You bought stencils for the lettering and used a piece of cardboard cut out to the shape of a torso to insert up into the jerseys so that they kept shape and so that the paint wouldn't bleed through. I made a custom Fathersons logo and you airbrushed it onto the backs of our jerseys. After a long days work, we sat down and marveled at how great everything came out. It really did come together nicely. We were excited to use them and for Mike and Jeff to see them. You told me we made a great team... Even up to current time, you were so committed to clearing away some of Grandpa's land and constructing your own bunkers so we could all practice and you could shoot Pat out. You thought and thought and thought about the best way to create homemade bunkers. You even considered spending a bunch of money for air bunkers but we decided against it. Waste of money. Even while you were sick, you were using the tractor to clear away a bunch of brush and climbing up on a ladder to nail down a bunker. You wanted everything to be perfect.
- I can't forget to mention King Richard's Faire- you suggested going one year and we did. I remember you being all dejected when we got home because you didn't think I had fun. I didn't get excited and cheer and shout so you thought I was bored. But I had a great time and the day flew by. It was fun to have the whole family and you and mom enjoying something like that with us.
The common theme with all these stories is your committment to family. It didn't matter what it was, you were 100% all in to enjoy time with family. You were always trying new things and buying new things to enjoy with the family and to contribute to the family. You did more than you will ever know for me. You gave me such a feeling of love and committment and I hope you had it in return. You could have spent your time and money on things for yourself but you were so selfless and wanted to give to your family and provide for us. Thank you. I love and miss you so much Dad. Wish you were here so I could look upon you with the same fondness that I have while I stare at this empty page remembering everything that you were/are!